Cue half an hour later and I'm an angry, impatient grump who is in desperate need of caffeine! The reasons for this are many and I'm sharing a few with you all in the hope that you can relate and that I'm not just a loony mum in need of a personality transplant!!
1) My children don't listen to me. They just seem to tune out when I chirp up for them to get dressed, brush their teeth etc. It's almost as if they internally decide to go slow-mo and whatever I say must be ignored at all costs. Naturally, this inability to follow my orders, generally ends with me morphing into Darth Vader, or a screeching, unhinged banshee!
2) My children would rather play with Lego than eat breakfast. Lego men are so much more exciting and enticing and whatever treats I can bribe them with at breakfast time pale into insignificance when pitted against the delights of moulded plastic men.
3) We argue about cereals. Each day brings a new slant to our banter. One day, it might be that I've served up far too much, the next day they don't have enough. The next day brings tears over the fact that I only have Weetabix left and the following day they insist on toast, when they know full well we don't have any bread in the house! Yes, breakfast times are full of joy and satisfied delight!
4) Suddenly, the cartoon they are watching on TV cannot be missed (despite them declaring the previous day that it was the worst cartoon in the world and they wouldn't watch it if it was the last thing on TV). Naturally, this means we run the risk of being late to finish our morning routine and in turn, we might be late for school. This scenario generally results in the TV remote being hidden in a high place and lots of huffing and puffing and declarations of 'that's soooooo unfair and you are soooooo mean!'
5) If we have managed to get dressed before having breakfast, one child always seems to spill something down themselves. Generally, this results in a partial or full change and yet more washing for mummy's ever increasing mountain. Double yay!!
6) One child declares they don't feel like going to school, setting off a chorus of fake illness claims and loud proclamations that school is boring and they'd much rather be at home with mummy (translation, they'd rather be at home under a snuggly blanket, with an i-pad glued to their fingers).
7) We always lose a glove, hat, shoe, snack as we are prepping ourselves to leave the house. I mean, they were there yesterday. Who the frig takes these things?!
8) Just as I cross the threshold, ready and dressed to leave....one child needs the toilet. This is despite the fact that I've asked them to go numerous times prior to this crucial moment. Why then do they choose that specific time to realise they in fact need a mammoth poo session? Why?!
9) On the way to school, there is always some issue or another. Dog poo left on the pavement causes a lot of trauma (for obvious reasons - clean it up people!!). Usually though, we are walking too fast, or too slow, or their bags are far too heavy and are loaded onto an already top heavy buggy, that threatens to launch itself into the road at any given moment!
10) We get to school and they transform into space cadet mode. In other words, I appear to have two children who have never been to school before and need precise guidance on where to put bags, coats, books etc. I mean, what mother doesn't want to get wedged into a miniature cloakroom with stinky PE bags, whilst their child socialises and shares details of their latest Minecraft creation with a friend?
Must dash boys......the baby is crying! I NEED COFFEE!
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